8 things emotionally intelligent people don’t do

One of the most important skills for being successful in life at work and at home, is not just being intelligent, but also being emotionally intelligent, which is the ability to understand, manage, and monitor your emotions constructively.

We’ve all been there; that moment when we calm down and realize that our emotions just completely took over our bodies and caused us to behave in a way that we now regret.

While this is natural and human, the frequency of this experience is completely contingent upon how we’ve learned to regulate our emotions on a regular basis.

Here are the habits of the people who have the capacity to be aware of what they feel. Who know how to express, process, dismantle and adjust their experience as they are their own locus of control.

They don’t have temper tantrums. They don’t do this because they have control over their emotions, and they know that when they have a temper tantrum, the people around them will shut down. They have learned it is more effective to stay calm and logical in order to communicate. When their flight is cancelled or delayed at the airport, they remain calm and try to work with the airline agent to find a solution. Because they are perceived as nice, the airline people want to help them.

They don`t ignore their feelings. Too often, we might recognize that an emotion is creeping in—but choose to ignore it. People with emotional control don’t ignore their feelings. Instead, they recognize that each emotion has a purpose and an origin. Rather than ignoring feelings, they move through the healthy process of awareness, acceptance and letting go. They understand that an emotion can only be released after it has been processed. They know that rejecting emotions is a futile task because it allows them to return as something bigger and stronger later on.

They don’t envy and resent other people’s success. Emotionally strong people can genuinely appreciate and celebrate other people’s success. They don’t grow envious or feel cheated when others achieve something they are trying to achieve. Instead, they recognize that success comes with hard work, and they are willing to work hard for their own chance at success. True confidence has no room for envy and resentment. When you know you are great, you have no reason to hate.

They don’t just become close friends with anyone. They recognize true trust and intimacy as something you build, and something you want to be discerning with whom you share. But they’re not guarded or closed as they are simply mindful and aware of who they allow into their lives and hearts. They are kind to all, but truly open to few.

They don’t make the same exact mistakes over and over again. You can’t make the same mistake twice. Because the second time you make it, it’s no longer a mistake, it’s a choice. Emotionally strong people accept responsibility for their behavior and learn from their past mistakes. As a result, they don’t keep repeating the same mistakes over and over. Instead, they grow and move on to better decisions and new lessons.

They don’t resist change. Emotionally strong people don’t try to avoid change. Instead, they welcome positive change into their life and are willing to be flexible. They understand that change is inevitable and believe in their abilities to adapt. Change happens for a reason. Roll with it! It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

They don’t ignore the importance of body language. People with emotional intelligence are always monitoring their own body language to see how their body is reacting to life around them. If they are driving to work each morning feeling very tense, they think about what it means and if they are in the right job or right career. Body language is a great litmus test to learn more about how they are really feeling.

They don’t confuse a bad feeling for a bad life. They are aware of, and avoid, extrapolation, which is essentially projecting the present moment into the foreseeable future — believing that the moment at hand constitutes what your entire life amounted to, rather than just being another passing, transitory experience in the whole. Emotionally intelligent people allow themselves their “bad” days. They let themselves be fully human. It’s in this non-resistance that they find the most peace of all.

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